Russian Chronicles (article 2): Russian desperation

Russian Chronicles (article 2): Russian desperation

This article is inspired by the girl who came to CS meeting in Irkutsk.

She was 22 y.o and really beautiful. She was telling us that she is dating a 36 y.o. Norwegian, who actually has proposed to her…and she is considering marring him.

The only inconvenience with the guy was that he was a bit of a sexual pervert – like telling the girl that he would like to invite a second man to bed with them and see him doing the girl, or he would like to go to Thailand because it’s so sexually free. Besides of this, when they were arguing sometimes, he was really yelling at her and hitting the wall…like scary hitting.

All this facts were scaring her, but the most what was scaring her is that she can remain alone and never get married again. Yeah, at 22 years old!!! Welcome to Russia.

Finally we convinced her dump the bastard and look at own age boys, so hopefully she will be ok .

In Russia somehow the proportion of men vs. women is totally unfair. Sometimes its 60% women vs. 40% men, but in some small towns it can be even 75% to 25%. And after we rest alcoholics, drug addicts or just useless, with no work, living on his old parents money from those 40% men, there is not much left.

Culturally in Russia people get married pretty early (especially out of Moscow and St. Petersburg), so the probability to find a single, independent and educated man after 25 years old with no any kind of health or mental issues, is really low. By this age most of them are married and just having mistresses, which is also kind of accepted by Russian society.

Especially in the province, people think that it’s better to have the worst man ever then for the woman to be alone. Not because of the money, but because of the social pressure – to be single woman after 25 years old in Russia is not good!!

Examples of Russian desperation:

(1) A girl met a guy. Very nice looking, educated and also her age (in Russia it’s actually a reason to get alert – something has to be wrong with him haha) They met couple of times when he finds out that girl’s mother is visiting her in town. The guy wants to meet her mother. The girl gets concern, because she is not sure if the relationship is serious, but the guy insists and she agrees. The mother is really happy (well, the girl finally has a boyfriend, and she is more then 25!). Old woman starts to prepare special dinner, cooks and welcomes a guy to their place. They get know each other and the mother is happy and the daughter as well.

Everything seems to be perfect, when after couple of weeks; the girl starts to notice something strange in men’s behavior. She asks if the guy has got somebody, he says he got no one. After couple of weeks more, the girl insists that something doesn’t feel right to her and the guy admits: “Yes, I am married and I have a child”.

“So why, why for God’s sakes, you don’t have enough just lying to me, why you need to meet my mother and mess the head of the older woman???!!!!”.

And you know what girl’s mother said when she found out? “Well, you know may be you were too fast breaking up with him? Sometimes men leave their families too”

Yeah, Welcome to Russia!!

(2) A girl was dating a boy for a long time, even waited him until he finishes military service (in Russia obligatory for all young men and it lasts 1,5 years). They decided to get married and suddenly she finds out that he has a mistress (actually the whole village finds out, because he and his mistress have car accident just one month before his marriage and everybody seem them together in the hospital and after).

The marriage is off, but she forgives the guy and finally they get married months later. They have a child together and everything seems to be fine, but one day a sister of a girl visits and sees her with a bitten face. It looks like the guy was biting a girl even before their marriage and did not stop doing it afterwards. And she did not want to dump him (even when she found out about the mistress), just because she did not want to be alone.

The sister of a girl is terrified and tries to convince the relatives to do something about it and nobody wants to get involved. In the end, the divorced, after he bitted her up with his boots in the face and there was no way back anymore for that marriage.

You can find similar cases outside Russia too, but the motivation is different. In Russia it’s this terrible fear to be single woman or divorced woman – its worse then to be bitten or to stand that your husband has mistresses. Sad, but true.